There comes a moment in life when you get smack by reality. I’ve had moments of pause and being present throughout my life. I find when your’e in your mid 40’s you begin to experience some changes in focus and priorities. However when 50 + shows up your mortality and the present status of your life is amplified. The concept of time and who you spend it with and what you do with it acquires a different meaning.
I spent the majority of my nursing career helping people during their toughest times. I vividly recall being so focused on my career path with this new job at an oncology clinic. It was such a challenging job working with cancer patients and their families. Witnessing families and patients celebrate great news and shed tears of sadness related to loss. The day in and day in out at work was exhausting and at times mentally draining. I’d come home too exhausted to spend quality time with my loved ones. Too exhausted to do fun things on the weekends. I wasn’t happy with this path and new I needed to readjust the sails.
This was the beginning of the subtle but steady shift of energy. I wasn’t so invested in growing my career path within the organization but more interested in growing as an individual. I was seeking clarity, didn’t know what I wanted or needed but knew for sure I needed to continue searching until I found clarity.
The big catalyst for change was after a short trip to Florida to take my mom to see her sister. That sudden awakening seeing my mom, her sister and brother in law in their ripe golden age requiring assistance to perform simple tasks such as ambulating from point A to B, needing help with getting dress, preparing a meal, going to the store etc. This vivid reality truly smacked me in the face. My beautiful mom was soon on her way to 84 yrs of age. She was now delicate, dependable, with lots of physical ailments and challenges. She was once young, strong, super resilient and immortal in my eyes. It stopped me on my tracks to think back on all of the trips I wanted to take with her or the things I wanted to do but was always waiting for “the right time”. Waiting to plan it out perfectly. In the midst of waiting and putting things off, the years just passed by. It truly did something to me to observe my senior loved ones with the mobility devices. Having to now load and unload the car trunk with walkers and wheelchairs for simple trips to the club house, grocery store, restaurant etc..
When I returned back to work after that short trip, back to the grind of helping patient’s and their families, that vision of my mom, aunt and uncle left an imprint in my brain. Thinking back on the endless times I said “one of these days” because I was waiting for the perfect time made me sad. Actually, it really gutted me to the core. I allowed this to happen.
The blessing in all of this is it made me pause, acknowledge the present state of my life and bring the clarity I was always seeking. I had this clear understanding of how truly short and precious life is. How limited our time with our loved ones is. Very much like a burning candle which eventually will extinguish. It was time for me to make a radical change. It was time for me to completely remove myself from the comfort zone and embrace change.
I was enrolled in a wonderful nurse coaching certification program. My objective was to step away from my 0800-5:00pm and help others on their path of change. The opportunity to spend near 3 months in Italy to continue my certification studies and business planning became available. I invited my senior mom to join me. I’d be lying if i told you I faced the opportunity it with open arms. No! I was terrified of leaving the safe security of having my biweekly paycheck and health insurance. I felt every cell in my body quiver with fear, uncertainty, anxiety of leaving a warm blanket to venture into the unknown.
You have to understand I have always been an over thinker. Before a decision can be made, it was imperative I did as much research, save as much money, acquire as much training etc…before making any major decisions. Of course being prepared has its merit. BUT, I’m referring to overthinking and over planning to the point of spinning in circles. This paralyzing habit always led to walking away from anything very new and big to tucking myself back into the safety blanket of comfort and the familiar. Practicing transcendental medication twice daily along with intention motivational messages, prayer, exercise and a come to Jesus conversation with myself was crucial to breaking free from the toxic overthinking and dream killing chains.
I purchased my airfare and wrote my resignation letter. It was really clear to me I was evolving and life was preparing me for my new role as a nurse coach. With open arms I embraced change embarking on a new journey. It has always been a great goal of mine to take my mom to Italy one day. It makes me smile when I think back on my childhood feeling safe and secure in her embrace. Now I get to return that gesture of love to her. We were going to do this and it is going to be an amazing experience for the both of us.
Life is truly sweet when you give yourself the opportunity to pause and be present. To be open to new experiences which completely take you out of your comfort zone and lead you towards a better version of yourself. Let go of fear and allow yourself to live and grow. Invest your time with people and activities which add value to your life. Be a beacon of light towards others. Always lead with gratitude even when faced with tough moments. Finally, life will bring blessings as well as pain but suffering is always optional. Go, embrace change and live your best life today!
